I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
