Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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