Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
