K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
