i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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