Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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