tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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