I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
