Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
