apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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