Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This house was built for laser tag.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
