I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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