Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
