Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
