I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
