JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nutella sex= disaster
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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