is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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