we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
