nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
