Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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