have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
