Can i not drive my cunt home
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
