The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
