how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize