I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
