Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
