I can tuck mytits in my pants
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
