So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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