are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
