ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize