I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
