My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
