so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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