hotel room ftw
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
