i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
