just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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