Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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