I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
