went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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