Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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