This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
