is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
