it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
