He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
