you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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