I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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