why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
