Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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