What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
