Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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