if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
