I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
