dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
