guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This baby is an asshole
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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