I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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