So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
