so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
