Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
