I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
