I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Non-Jews are for practice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
