it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
