how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
