just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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