Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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