Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
