She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
