i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize