just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
