Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
